Crispy Fried Empire - A Documentary

[Lychwood]

This is the story of one small businessman on a quest to create a little empire.

- Asmodeus Cupid sends the faction this message: Hello, loyal employees. This company is like a family, if a family was a place where you did labor for money (and love). As long as the wings are hot and the customers hungry, all will be well. Otherwise . . . . (2025-09-09 11:58:12).
- Asmodeus Cupid sends the faction this message: Bedlam. I took out a HUGE mortgage on this food truck and its needed constant repairs. I'm two steps away from insolvency, people. We gotta HUSTLE. (2025-09-09 11:59:23).

...

- Asmodeus Cupid sends the faction this message: A faction stronghold has just been created at 55, 11, Tempest Straits. (2025-09-13 02:32:02).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Well, she may not move yet, but I see you got the roof back on 'er Asmodeus!" (2025-09-13 04:19:13).
- Chef Bacchus gave you a(n) Pair of Lace Overalls. (2025-09-13 04:22:52).
- Chef Bacchus whispered to you, saying "a gift! for this business milestone!" (2025-09-13 04:25:28).
- Asmodeus Cupid rubs his chin, walking back and forth along the boat's interior, shaking his head and cursing under his breath. "Lookit this mess. Howza guy supposed to run a business in a rusty tub like this, I ask you! No, no--don't answer. I don'wanna know. Yeesh." He pulls out a handkerchief from his breast pocket and wipes at his balding rubeous pate. "Cripes-amighty." (2025-09-13 12:15:28).
- Asmodeus Cupid said, "We gotta get this thing ready for business, friends--no, *family*. My brothers and sisters in crisp. We gotta get back to feedin' the world the hottest damn angel wings anybody ever thoughta." (2025-09-13 12:19:02).
- Asmodeus Cupid kicks the massive fryer, causing it to gasp out a hiss of smoke before the jowly demon fumbles at his breast pocket. He pulls out a small metal case, unclasping it and pulling out a cigarette--which he promptly lights indoors. "...Fuck. Well. My papa didn't work his way offa the wyrmfields in Stygia for his boy to sit around whinin'." Lit cigarette in the corner of his mouth, he fills a bucket with some kind of acrid, likely-cancerous cleaning agent and gets to scrubbing the service counter at the front of the boat. It appears that the galley comprises most of the ship's interior, with a service window towards the front and a queue-ing/seating area on the open deck. Small cafe tables are topped with red-and-white checkered cloths, matching the awning which hangs overtop the service window. (2025-09-13 12:25:17).
- You remove your Pair of Overalls. (2025-09-13 12:26:22).
- You don your Pair of Lace Overalls. (2025-09-13 12:26:23).
- Eros Amor runs a hand through his dark curls, eyes gleaming with amusement as he watches Asmodeus cursing at the fryer. “Ah, my tempestuous brother, even rust and smoke bow before passion. Don’t scowl so hard, you’ll curdle the butter. Even burnt offerings taste divine when served with fire in the heart. (2025-09-13 12:48:47).
- Eros Amor turns to Bacchus, he holds up the socks with a smirk. “Maternity socks, truly? You would swaddle my feet like an infant’s? Careful, friend, you might awaken the side of me that longs to nurture as well as to tempt.” He tucks them against his chest, almost tenderly, before setting them aside. (2025-09-13 12:50:03).
- Eros Amor tone shifts softer, as he surveys the smoky galley. “Still… a kitchen without care is no temple at all. The gods dine on ambrosia, yes, but it is devotion that seasons the feast.” With that, he rolls up his sleeves, takes up a rag, and begins wiping down the service window "Love belongs not just in the taste of the wings, but in the hands that prepare them.” (2025-09-13 12:52:33).
- Asmodeus Cupid takes a long drag off of his cigarette while Eros speaks, before exhaling with a sigh. "Yeah, well, ya got that right. Gotta make 'em with love, that's fa sure. Sheesh. How we gonna starta empire if we don't even got the wings?! This job gonna give me a hearttattack, and that's truth." If the man is destined for a 'hearttattack', perhaps the diet and smoking habit deserve more credit. (2025-09-13 13:36:52).

[Lychwood]

- Asmodeus Cupid rolls up his sleeves, pausing a moment to mop at his forehead. Though the man's skin is naturally a pale red color, he seems a little flushed. "Tellya what, family. Momenta truth. Gonna see if this freeza I picked offa Nex-List even gonna work. Think I gotta good ninety puh-cent of the mold outta theres." The kerchief he's using to dab himself is pretty well damp at this point, and he's moreso moving the sweat around than he is wiping it away. The portly demon catches his breath with another indoor cigarette. "If this piece-a crap is broke I'mma have a goddamn coronary I swear. Well. Ain't gonna find out sittin' on my hands, sheez." Cigarette dangling precariously from his lip, he leans over to grab the frayed cord and plug it into the nearest outlet. (2025-09-14 13:18:12).
- Asmodeus Cupid scrambles backwards as the prongs make contact with a flash of electricity, a sprinkle of ash tumbling down his white lacy apron. The power on the whole ship flickers alarmingly, the whole galley strobing as the electric lights flicker on and off. Finally, the circuitry seems to stabilize itself and there is a protesting whine as the freezer's compressor comes to life. Asmodeus sags with relief. "Cripes amighty," he huffs. "I might still have that coronary afta all." (2025-09-14 13:26:57).

- Outside, you can begin to hear the pitter-patter of rain drops beginning to fall. The tempo accelerates and soon the steady drum of rain pounds on the roof of the building. (2025-09-15 07:11:02).
- Asmodeus Cupid clang-clang-clangs on a sputtering generator with a socket wrench. He's not actually wrenching anything, just -hitting- the damn thing and muttering "Oughtta teachya ta crap out on me!" (2025-09-15 12:35:54).
- Chibodee Crocket suddenly appeared in the Stronghold, called home by the power of a factional Homing Beacon! (2025-09-15 12:45:37).
- Chibodee Crocket salutes. "Reporting for duty!" (2025-09-15 12:45:54).
- Chibodee Crocket said, "Nothing says AMERICAN DREAM like fried food and self-starting entrepreneurs." (2025-09-15 12:47:29).
- Asmodeus Cupid fumbles at a pocket inside his apron, retrieving a metallic clasping case and opening it. He fishes out a cigarette, and only when it reaches his mouth does he realize he already has one going. "Think old 'Mo is finally goin' batty, yeesh. Place gonna drive me nutso. AY, beanpole. Fix up that hairayours and get moppin'. We're bussin' ass trynna get this place open and you're ovah there philolophizin'. Sheesh-o-pizza." (2025-09-15 12:59:17).
- Chibodee Crocket said, "SIR yes SIR. Time for a new employee training montage." (2025-09-15 13:05:22)
- Asmodeus Cupid throws a blank ID badge and a magic marker at Chibodee. "Here's ya trainin. Hold the mop by the skinny end, get it wet, and swoosh it around until the floor is covered. Then put the water bucket in the closet for latah. Trynna save money on utilities here." (2025-09-15 13:12:23)

[Thalanor]

Gnarknorb seal approval. Gnarknorb roast angle, Gnarknorb taste wings

[squib]

From Name: squib
From E-mail: squib@deepthink.tor
To: stygiahotman@aol.com
Subject: MAROONED ON FAILURE ISLAND, SEND WINGS
Text: [begin transmission squibbly psychonic mail; DO NOT REPLY] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Stuck on Failure Island. Maritime Co-ordinate 17,63. Far off Marlin Coast. Hungry for Stygian Hot Wings. Will pay any gratuity. Big Order Requested. Beware cousins on the way. They will insist Big Order is for them. It is not.

Come Quick! Very Hungry for Wings.

[End squibly psychonics transmission; DO NOT REPLY]

[Lychwood]

- Chibodee Crocket wipes sweat off his brow. "Alrighty boss, floors are mopped and fortifications maxxed." (2025-09-15 17:35:18).
- Nevlee Payten Camden admires Chibodee's paper hat (2025-09-15 18:08:51).
- Asmodeus Cupid blinks. "Whaddaya want, a promotion? All I got is a Marlbra Hunnit. Havvit and get backta work, chief." The man pulls out his little case and uses his thumb to flick a cigarette from it in Chibodee's direction. (2025-09-16 03:12:47).
- You give your Paper Diner Hat to Nevlee Payten Camden. (2025-09-16 03:16:44).
- Asmodeus Cupid said, "Whatcha name, Bean Pole?" (2025-09-16 03:17:49).
- Chibodee Crocket fumbles the cigarette before catching it. He lights it off the grill then leans against the wall of the cutter. "Bean Pole? Heh, you must be talking to the other guy. No mistaking this 100% Neo-American BEEF." (2025-09-16 12:34:33).
- Asmodeus Cupid said, "I gotta hunnit pa-cent Anemian beef in da freeza there, big guy- I asked fer ya name." He squints at the employee ID tag that Chibodee has so helpfully applied. "Ok, Chibbydibby, gotcha. Well howya feel about goin' get us a buncha wings? Guy's gotta cook but I got nothin' heres." (2025-09-16 12:38:42).
- Chibodee Crocket said, "Yes CHEF!" (2025-09-16 12:40:41).
Chibodee exits the boat.
- You say, "Hanggon I didn' even tellem whereda go, sheez." (2025-09-16 12:42:00).
Chibodee returns and starts throwing random stuff at Asmodeus.

- Asmodeus Cupid sends the faction this message: The Alchemy Bench faction upgrade has been purchased. (2025-09-16 13:56:15).
- Asmodeus Cupid has made the final, secret pacts with the darkest of evils and has fully descended into wickedness as a dread Dark Oppressor! (2025-09-16 13:56:47).
- Asmodeus Cupid sends the faction this message: Dear loyal Cupid family: We almost ready ta open. Come getcha contracts signed (2025-09-16 14:00:55).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Oh a proper kitchen set up! You’ve really outdone yourself this time old fellow!" (2025-09-16 14:33:19).
- Chef Bacchus runs his fingertips lovingly across the brewing equipment. (2025-09-16 14:34:03).
- Chef Bacchus said, "The things I’m going to do with you…" (2025-09-16 14:34:28).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Drink! Merriment! Potions of love, of lust, of great strength and greater ecstasy!" (2025-09-16 14:35:33).
- Chef Bacchus cackles like a madman. (2025-09-16 14:35:48).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Asmodeus— you treat us like family, you really do." (2025-09-16 14:36:20).
- Chef Bacchus has pledged themself as your vassal! (2025-09-16 14:36:28).
- Chef Bacchus said, "I pledge to do the same." (2025-09-16 14:36:40).
- Chef Bacchus has levelled up! (2025-09-16 14:37:24).
- Chef Bacchus looks a bit unwell. (2025-09-16 14:38:20).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Must have put… eugh… too much nightshade in that one. Just a sprig, Bacchus, you fool. Just a sprig!" (2025-09-16 14:39:31).
- Nevlee Payten Camden carefully tucks her hair into the paper hat (2025-09-16 15:05:41).
- You say, "If the cooks is happy, everybody's happy, knowhattimean?" The portly entrepreneur pauses, wiping his damp kerchief from forehead to nape and sighing. "Don' gotta tellya I took out a helluva loan for all this. Sheeza. Those int-uh-rest rates are diabolical." (2025-09-16 15:07:10).
- Nevlee Payten Camden said, "Gonna have to take care with the cooking from now on chef." (2025-09-16 15:09:54).
- Nevlee Payten Camden stage whispers, "I don't think this guy is paying for worker's comp" (2025-09-16 15:10:10).
- Asmodeus Cupid shivers at the mention of worker's comp, as if someone had just stepped over his grave. (2025-09-16 16:40:23).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Can't escape my destiny! Gotta get these recipes just right if we hope to take this brand worldwide." (2025-09-16 20:31:54).
- Chef Bacchus said, "If these wings don't have our customers in the throes of ecstasy, there's just no point." (2025-09-16 20:32:55).
- Chef Bacchus hurls into a trash can as discreetly as possible, then sighs and wipes the sweat from his brow. "Hope you've still got the health department on the dole, Cupid..." (2025-09-16 20:34:26).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Anyway, if anyone comes across any SECRET INGREDIENTS-- and I mean some REAL GEMS-- that'll really take these bad boys to the next level, send 'em my way. Still need that special sumthin'..." (2025-09-16 20:36:35).
- Chef Bacchus gave you a(n) Pack of Cigarettes. (2025-09-16 20:37:06).
- Nevlee Payten Camden said, "I might have a thing or two." (2025-09-16 21:20:15).
- Nevlee Payten Camden has levelled up! (2025-09-16 21:20:26).
- Asmodeus Cupid said, "Oh ya I know a guy. Used to be a doctor or somethin'. Doesn't aska lotta questions--he's real good. Tellem I sentcha and he won't charge a dime." (2025-09-16 22:11:16).

[Lychwood]

- Chef Bacchus said, "Ingredients! I need ingredients! Who in the hell is doing inventory around here!?" (2025-09-18 13:29:48).,
- Chibodee Crocket said, "I was holding onto these for the boss, but we're all family here." (2025-09-18 13:54:14).,
Chibbydibby hands Chef Bacchus a bunch of random junk.

- Mata Hari screeches in pain! A lifetime of being forced to be a television chimp has driven her mad, and given her desire for revenge. She ambles up the crow's nest and howls into the sky! (2025-09-18 14:20:18).,
- Mata Hari rips into the food storage with primate rage, bolstering her considerable chimp strength with a bucket of hot wings (2025-09-18 14:23:45).,
- Chibodee Crocket hands the chimp some amphetamines and cigarettes. What's the worst that could happen?" (2025-09-18 16:14:00).,
- Mata Hari gobbles the pills like they were candy and has a smoke. It's nothing, compared to what they used to give her to stand still during a scene! (2025-09-18 16:29:05).,
- Mata Hari eats the banana with a contemptuous sneer. Like no one's ever made her do THAT before! She throws the peel against the wall, and howls (2025-09-18 16:46:25).,
- Mata Hari lights up another cigarette, and perches on one of the ship's masts (2025-09-18 16:47:28).,
- Eros Amor sits at one of the chairs and works out a business plan on how to butcher to get the most optimal wings in the land (2025-09-18 17:14:04).,
- Mata Hari bares her teeth aggressively! Just show her where the chicken coop is! (2025-09-18 18:42:20).
- Asmodeus Cupid ambles back onto the food-truck-boat looking a bit winded from the journey. He leans over, sweating, and fishes out a cigarette to help him catch his breath. After several puffs, he finally catches sight of the chimp. "...Whaddaya doin' here, Vin? I coulda sworn you was doin' time fa.... OH. Sorry there, fella. I mistook ya for my cousin. You lookin' fah a job or what?" (2025-09-18 19:59:48).
- Chef Bacchus gave you a(n) Pack of Cigarettes. (2025-09-18 20:05:36).
- Chibodee Crocket has pledged themself as your vassal! (2025-09-18 20:05:47).

[Lychwood]

- Nevlee Payten Camden rummages through the freezer with a frown (2025-09-19 20:45:35).
- Nevlee Payten Camden whispers, "Hey chef, if the wings don't come through, think that guy will switch to frying fish?" (2025-09-19 20:46:54).
- Nevlee Payten Camden said, "I really think we could do something with this." (2025-09-19 20:47:18).
- Outside, you can hear the wind intensify to a howling typhoon. Powerful sheets of rain batter the roof and walls of the building. (2025-09-21 00:51:02).
- Gerry nods to acknowledge everyone. (2025-09-21 16:40:47).
- Gerry said, "Hello hello hello" (2025-09-21 16:40:57).
- Gerry said, "I don't know if we've met, but I am Gerry." (2025-09-21 16:41:17).
- Gerry said, "Do you have a menu?" (2025-09-21 16:41:40).
- Nevlee Payten Camden said, "Uh, the menu is kind of in the works" (2025-09-21 17:36:06).
- Nevlee Payten Camden glances a moment at the other staff and then leans over the counter before speaking rapidly. "Our wing supplier is delayed and the fryer isn't going yet, and who the heck knows where the chef wandered off to. But you can try some sushi if you want." (2025-09-21 17:38:53).
- Nevlee Payten Camden hurries off to sweep something (2025-09-21 17:40:40).
- Gerry said, "Oh this sushi looks fantastic!" (2025-09-21 18:18:21).
- Gerry said, "Its perfectly pearled. wow!" (2025-09-21 18:18:38).
- Gerry dusts off a few bruises, i think i ran into your chef not long ago. (2025-09-21 18:19:20).
- Gerry flips through a spiral pocket sized notepad with big embossed C.I.A. letter on the front of it. (2025-09-21 18:20:12).
- Gerry said, "I believe his name was... *glancing down* Bacchus, am I correct?" (2025-09-21 18:21:28).
- Gerry said, "I found him on the shore of that town, is it?.. yes Free Anchor. He had me sample the smoked meats with the most delectable and ultra thinly slice sashimi salmon." (2025-09-21 18:23:54).
- Gerry said, "It was like no other I ever had." (2025-09-21 18:24:12).
- Gerry unveils a very fine pair of black stone chop-sticks from a case and trys the sushi cautiously. (2025-09-21 18:25:54).
- Gerry said, "no, I am not a cop." (2025-09-21 23:58:10).
- Gerry said, "I'm just a normal guy." (2025-09-21 23:58:24).
- Gerry said, "The sushi is very delicious by the way." (2025-09-21 23:59:22).

[Lychwood]

- Gerry said, "What I gotta do for a few more?" (2025-09-22 00:02:11).
- Gerry said, "Do you take shiny plastic rectangles as payment?" (2025-09-22 00:02:51).
- The Cutbait Cutter has drifted west to 64, 21. (2025-09-22 00:15:09).
- Mata Hari bares her teeth and claps (2025-09-22 03:51:55).
- Mata Hari picks up a lantern and throws it against a wall, with alarming strength, where it shatters. She ambles up to the upper decks where she disappears from view, but can be heard hooting. (2025-09-22 03:53:32).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Oh, a customer!" (2025-09-22 03:54:21).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Wings are in short supply these days, but I assure you that if there were any wings here they would be of the utmost quality and-- wait a second..." (2025-09-22 03:56:00).
- Chef Bacchus sniffs the air (2025-09-22 03:56:10).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Smells like bacon... this guy a cop or somethin'?" (2025-09-22 03:56:31).
- Mata Hari is heard screeching and a rock comes clattering down from somewhere up above. Men in blue uniforms used batons to keep her against her will on the television set. (2025-09-22 04:00:12).
- Chef Bacchus said, "Listen, mister, this is a perfectly above board operation. A completely legal little Single Pop Shop! Swear ta god we didn't steal this monkey! Got no clue where it came from, just showed up outta nowhere one day..."" (2025-09-22 04:09:10).
- Chef Bacchus said, "quickly shoves a hairnet on the chimp's head, as if it would make any difference. "Don't make no difference where it came from, anyway. Like the boss always says, we're all family here."" (2025-09-22 04:09:26).
- Chef Bacchus smiles so broadly that he looks more like the feral chimpanzee than an innocent chef. (2025-09-22 04:11:09).
- Gerry said, "yeah yeah. everything looks above board here." (2025-09-22 10:47:29).
- Gerry lazily peers behind the griddle. (2025-09-22 10:47:57).
- Gerry said, "but look i dont know who you think I might be. but assure you im not that." (2025-09-22 10:49:20).
- Gerry can be seen stuffing himself with sushi between bites. (2025-09-22 10:49:44).
- Gerry said, "Well i've got -something else- to do. Lemme know when that menu gets finalized. and do put the kungpow mayo on this sushi on your future wings, i think it'd be tops. totally tops." (2025-09-22 10:54:52).
- Mata Hari shits in the helmet she was given and tosses it overboard (2025-09-22 12:27:32).

- Asmodeus Cupid blinks, stepping sleepily out of his personal quarters and looking around the boat. "I hadda craziest dream, family. We was boarded by cops and they wannit to confiscate our menus." (2025-09-22 17:35:13).
- Mata Hari dips her claw in the water, pulls out a fish, and rips off its head. She hands it to the chef. (2025-09-22 19:11:40).
- Mata Hari makes a hooting laugh (or a laughing hoot) (2025-09-22 19:17:13).
- Nevlee Payten Camden said, "Have you had any dreams about being swept out to sea?" (2025-09-23 00:09:14).
- Asmodeus Cupid said, "Thassa spirit! That little hairy lady is a real go-getta. Snatchin food right outta the wa--I mean, it's *free*, ya know?"" (2025-09-23 04:12:09).
- Asmodeus Cupid scratches his jowls at Nevlee's question. "Like, dis week or evah? Tellya what I've hadda lotta dreams about gettin' pulled out in da riptide. Common theme, ya might say. Sheesh." (2025-09-23 04:14:05).