I'd like to introduce you to a little game we call "Mornington Crescent"...

[snurpt]

I was simply shocked, shocked I must emphasize, that there exists not a group dedicated to this most gentlemanly of pastimes.
It serves as a stark and garish reminder that society has deteriorated thusly and that civilised and courteous endeavours, however fleeting and whimsical, are not practised anymore. I shall in short order attempt to rectify this shortcoming and invite any and all interested parties to join me in a friendly match. The stakes shall simply be bragging rights.

As all of you familiar with the game are undoubtedly aware, I must specify the codex and edition of the ruleset, as Mornington Crescent has, in the decades of its storied and glorious existence, undergone a whole slew of changes, fixes and addendums.
I therefor propose, for the sake of simplicity (and legibility, for those of who know will be keenly reminded) to employ the British Standard Competitive Rule Set (BSCRS) 4th edition, Hamersham and Sons printing of 1983 ("the blue book") without the frankly unnecessary foldout simplification of 1984. The map shall be set as the following, although the rule set clearly states that an appeal may be made by any player or players in advanced solstice for a recital and appended rectification (see pg. 137 for details).
https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1 ... QWjTA.jpeg


Unless further clarifications are requested, I shall hereby commence the game with one small caveat: Please refrain from somersaults during the first turn. Enjoy!

edit: Please excuse my momentary lapse, as I had assumed anybody would own and have ready access to the referenced rule book. However, even if you should personally fall short in that regard, any halfway decently stocked library should have a copy or five of the blue book available. In case all copies have been rented out (there may yet be hope for humanity, after all), feel free to contact me and I shall do my utmost best to supply you with a copy...

[snurpt]

Frequently Asked Questions (adapted from the March 1994 issue of the MC Investigator, pages 17-43).

Welsh Defense: By the rules of the 1983 book, a Welsh Defense is perfectly legal. This means that starting at Mornington Crescent prevents a player from landing again at the spot and thus claiming victory unless they end their turn there at the same time as at least one other player. In that case, the Welsh Defense was successful and the defending player wins, i.e. snatching victory from his or her opponent.

A South London Pap: Also legal according to the 1983 rule set and additionally, this was the tactic employed to beat the Welsh Defense in the 1991 Western Commonwealth finals. It is named after the favourite dish of the winner, a lady from South London who immigrated from Botswana.

Three Lions' Quickstep: Having been disallowed in the 1980 and the 1997 editions, oddly the Quickstep falls in a grey area when adhering to the 1983 rule set. If the case comes up, we will defer to the Ruffians and Gawkers clause on page 77 and go from there.

Sticking a Landing: As I have made clear, please refrain from somersaults during the first turn. Nobody wants a repeat of the 2002 junior league finals opening.

Farting and variations thereof: Farting, that is coordinating certain moves between the furthest reaches of the map between two or more players, is of course entirely legal and in some cases even encouraged. Sharting, on the other hand, remains illegal and will result in a penalty (or a Staining, as it is sometimes unfathomably called).

Seeing men about horses: As with all editions apart from the 1999 outlier (the Americans are at fault here, plain as day), gambling within the confines of the game is strictly prohibited. Any players found engaged in such rackets are immediately and irrevocably disqualified. Spectators are of course free to bet and gamble as they please.

The Djibouti Bootie: Named in a nod to the traditional wrap-around clothing, the Bootie has elicited much debate. I concur with the majority reading of the MC governing body that the Bootie is, in fact, within the confines of the rules and can therefor be employed (at the risk of the player attempting the maneuver).

French stalemate: The 1983 edition does not recognize this eccentric interpretation of the rules. It simply goes to show that the time-honored French tradition of refusing to work does not hold any water against a proper British contest.

On the German Clock: The Cuckoo maneuver, as it is also known, remains a stable amongst MC openings. The 1983 rule set allows gaggles (equal to or less than 5 players) but not clouts (more than 5 players) on the same spot. Parliaments (more than 10 players) are, therefor, also out of bounds and will result in a revolution (NOT in a bombing, as so many pranksters like to suggest).

While we are on the subject, November attacks can and do happen, but there is no reason to encourage such behaviour prior to the last train.

The Floss, the Gurgle and the Spit: These issues only came up with the 1997 edition and are thus of no concern to the game at hand.

Number of Ducks in a row: The number is and always has been 6. There will be no discussion and any appeals will not be heard. Period.

This list may be appended if and when questions arise.